Finding Love

Finding love is like...
when you're climbing a mountain with your bare hands and she is at the top of the mountain.
She will clean up the stones from the top, and throws them down the mountain.
The stones might hit you while you're climbing, unintentionally.
And who knows sometimes she might clean up bigger rocks.

So, when the stones hit you, will you still climb up?
or will you give up?

I've been on the stage where I gave up, went back down.
Finding one at the bottom, but then I realized that I must not give in yet.
I'm climbing back, she might throw more stones or even rocks harder.
But I will not give up until I reach the top.

Fallen

I've fallen today, after the past few days losing the battle to my mind
watched softcore and masturbated to it

what's the cause? i will simply put stress as the cause
i still read devotion this morning, but it seemed the mind has lost it for the day
i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but i'll hope that i'll b able to go back to the right track, grow stronger than ever before!
i must get up!
yes, I've gone this far to realize that compared to past, I've done some marvelous improvement
i know He hasn't given up on me just yet
i will just keep fighting for it

I've decided that the person that I've been close to, to stay as a friend
i was so naive to have thought her to become my soul mate
i guess that's it, i think no more courting or going too deep with it
i probably had my fun already, and will move on to His will

I've liked someone for sometime, and even until now
every time i look at her, the only thing that pops in my mind is, "this is definitely the girl who i want to spend my life with"
but i just don't have the guts to tell her, but i know without solid preparation
clean from porn and masturbation, i won't be ready or i may say i can't allow myself to
well, tomorrow is just going to be another battle...
it's time to make a difference, breakthrough, revolution in my life!

How long has it been?

I've been wanting to write down everything that I've experienced since the last blog I did.
but i guess it's been awhile.
I've learnt a lot, but there're still lots more to learn.

I've watched two good movies since, "Fireproof" and "The Blind Side"
would recommend these to be watched in freshcom.

It's been weeks that I stay away from porn and masturbation, although I tripped a lil bit while researching photos from internet, but i quickly told myself to encounter it.
the temptation grows stronger within me these days...
like in the "Fireproof" movie, on the 20th-ish is probably the hardest
at one point, i felt like i was letting myself to fall
but i kept telling myself it's your choice, make the best of it.
i'm sure God's spirit that's been fed with God's words grows stonger too.
i'm longing to see i'm totally healed passing 40 days.
it'd b wonderful to see that after 40 days, the "me" isn't longer the "old me"

and I'm here to straighten my motivation of staying away from what is considered sin.
not because i'm gonna get God's help to score a girl
not because God's gonna help me in my career promotion
not because God's gonna give me good life ahead
not because I expect God to grow my hair
not because i'm expecting God's blessings,
but it's all about a change of myself like what God wants me to be.
everyday i gotta face denials, many denials

today i also learnt something that i need to repent from,
sin also means, not doing what he's supposed to be doing
i have souls waiting for me to lead, to be taught, to be brought as Jesus' disciples.
i really have to go and grab them, no more loathin.
alright!

and my prayer grows as no longer a make-up
God, teach me how to be a good leader!

Holy Spirit as a Helper

Something strucked me today when I was brushing my teeth.

Remember when Jesus promised a helper, that is Holy Spirit.
I just realized that, Holy Spirit helps in ways I can't imagine.
It's a Holy Spirit that lives in my heart, which is surely understand what my soul needs most.
It understands that I need courage, need to be brave;
It understands that I need to be a blessing for colleagues;
It understands that I need to be creative;
It understands that I need to be hardworking;
It understands many things that I can't even figure them out.

I guess the reason why I don't feel any significant Holy Spirit existence.
That's merely because, I don't take care of It, ignorance.

As a man eats so that he can do work.
If I'm looking forward to see what Holy Spirit can do to help me, meet my needs, then I gotta feed It. Feed with what? of course God's words.

Prologue

Today I decided to start a blog, this has been what i wanted for a long time.
to write something that I feel and to keep record just in case i might read it in future.

This blog is intended to write anything, especially spiritually.
Just something to kick off, I'm a christian, and have been for about 7 years already.
Wow, I just counted it in my head, didn't realize it was that long,...
but that was the number of years since i was baptized, I don't think I've been living a true christian life for "7 years" but as for this moment now, I'm really looking fwd to live a true christian life, a true Jesus' disciple.

There are so many things in my head to get all these started, to live a new life, life with significant change. But something's telling me, I'm just being like Martha, busy with so many things (probably writing up this prologue right now too).
I will just write another blog entry to end this "Martha" syndrome.

An enthusiastic seeker,

Jax