Finding Love

Finding love is like...
when you're climbing a mountain with your bare hands and she is at the top of the mountain.
She will clean up the stones from the top, and throws them down the mountain.
The stones might hit you while you're climbing, unintentionally.
And who knows sometimes she might clean up bigger rocks.

So, when the stones hit you, will you still climb up?
or will you give up?

I've been on the stage where I gave up, went back down.
Finding one at the bottom, but then I realized that I must not give in yet.
I'm climbing back, she might throw more stones or even rocks harder.
But I will not give up until I reach the top.

Fallen

I've fallen today, after the past few days losing the battle to my mind
watched softcore and masturbated to it

what's the cause? i will simply put stress as the cause
i still read devotion this morning, but it seemed the mind has lost it for the day
i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow but i'll hope that i'll b able to go back to the right track, grow stronger than ever before!
i must get up!
yes, I've gone this far to realize that compared to past, I've done some marvelous improvement
i know He hasn't given up on me just yet
i will just keep fighting for it

I've decided that the person that I've been close to, to stay as a friend
i was so naive to have thought her to become my soul mate
i guess that's it, i think no more courting or going too deep with it
i probably had my fun already, and will move on to His will

I've liked someone for sometime, and even until now
every time i look at her, the only thing that pops in my mind is, "this is definitely the girl who i want to spend my life with"
but i just don't have the guts to tell her, but i know without solid preparation
clean from porn and masturbation, i won't be ready or i may say i can't allow myself to
well, tomorrow is just going to be another battle...
it's time to make a difference, breakthrough, revolution in my life!

How long has it been?

I've been wanting to write down everything that I've experienced since the last blog I did.
but i guess it's been awhile.
I've learnt a lot, but there're still lots more to learn.

I've watched two good movies since, "Fireproof" and "The Blind Side"
would recommend these to be watched in freshcom.

It's been weeks that I stay away from porn and masturbation, although I tripped a lil bit while researching photos from internet, but i quickly told myself to encounter it.
the temptation grows stronger within me these days...
like in the "Fireproof" movie, on the 20th-ish is probably the hardest
at one point, i felt like i was letting myself to fall
but i kept telling myself it's your choice, make the best of it.
i'm sure God's spirit that's been fed with God's words grows stonger too.
i'm longing to see i'm totally healed passing 40 days.
it'd b wonderful to see that after 40 days, the "me" isn't longer the "old me"

and I'm here to straighten my motivation of staying away from what is considered sin.
not because i'm gonna get God's help to score a girl
not because God's gonna help me in my career promotion
not because God's gonna give me good life ahead
not because I expect God to grow my hair
not because i'm expecting God's blessings,
but it's all about a change of myself like what God wants me to be.
everyday i gotta face denials, many denials

today i also learnt something that i need to repent from,
sin also means, not doing what he's supposed to be doing
i have souls waiting for me to lead, to be taught, to be brought as Jesus' disciples.
i really have to go and grab them, no more loathin.
alright!

and my prayer grows as no longer a make-up
God, teach me how to be a good leader!