when I was at the peak ...

well,... tonight probably the night where i lost all hopes,
and thinking should i give everything up, i couldn't catch up with my spirituality too
i fell down again and again, thinking i can get up quickly but in fact i'm still in it

and then it just strucked me, burst into tears,
" and here I am, lonely again... I just don't know what to do..."
" God you said, it's not good for a man to be alone,... You said that yourself, and this is the state where i am now... I'm not like those bad guys out there, not like some those not knowing you..."
" I did what You want, I didn't go for deeper relationship with her, because that's not what You want..." " if there's something wrong with me, i'd like to fix, this is just too much for me to bear"
" I know that outside i may look ok, or sometimes in the inside i don't complain much... but i just can't hold it anymore"
Just when i cried myself down, i heard a notification alert sound from twitter, and it says,
"I believe God can help me find happiness :) #ihatequotes"

i was stuck for a moment... why does this quote appear in the middle of my cry?
it's like God answered to me Himself. He can help me find happiness
very true, i realized that the sin that i did, porn and masturbation couldn't get me happiness
only filled me with guilt... i think it's the time again
i gotta leave those for good... i gotta start now!

eventhough she is not for me, God can help me find happiness!
I may not know how she is... but i just get back to the track, focus on God!
i can do it yes! i can do it